Grieving Your Anger Part 3: Sadness

41 And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it, 42 saying, “Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. 43 For the days will come upon you, when your enemies will set up a barricade around you and surround you and hem you in on every side 44 and tear you down to the ground, you and your children within you. And they will not leave one stone upon another in you, because you did not know the time of your visitation.” (Luke 19:41-44)

            As we have been grieving the loss of the marriage in the hopes of containing negativity from the children, there is also the need to understand deeply the process of grieving so that you can show your children how it should happen. Jesus, The Good Shepherd, leads from the front. Meaning we, lost sheep, with each step, choose to follow Him. In the passage above we see that even He grieves with sadness. We didn’t review this last time, but we see Jesus’ anger as he overturned the tables in the temple. Further we see the full grief reaction occurring in the Gospels leading up to the cross.

            But what is Jesus, and therefore God, grieving?  This will surprise you. Christians tend to see Jesus’ death upon the cross as a way back to the Father which is Good News. However, we can also see through the eyes of God the Father, and Good Shepherd who has a marriage covenant with Israel.  God, honoring humanity’s ability to choose, gives the choice to follow the Good Shepherd or not.  Choosing “or not” effective divorces humanity from God’s marriage covenant.

The many Jews who did not and could not see Jesus for the gift He was, were now going to be divorced from God. More than the upcoming physical pain Jesus was to bear, the spiritual divorce was driving the grief from God’s side.

            So in your sadness from the divorce, look back to all the expectations you have discovered in your grief process and freely express (confess) those to God knowing that not only is He your Good Shepherd, he also has felt the deep agony of divorce.  Give yourself permission to allow the sadness that lurks behind many feelings of anger to surface.

            We talked briefly of shame, or the sense things must be hidden. The antidote is to express the feelings. Solitude with God is the first and best place to express these feelings.  Don’t hold back. Remember to check in with your feelings as they relate to God, others and yourself.  Ideally, express your sadness to a trusted confident. But until you have that safe space, continue to let the tears flow as you reveal your sadness to the Father. Yes, He already knows, but don’t rely on that.  Give yourself permission to sit in your sadness for a while and express it openly. If it becomes overwhelming, try Breath Prayer.

            For a breath prayer, come up with a very small, short and heartfelt prayer and just repeat it with breathing.  “Jesus help me.” is a good one.  “Jesus hold me.” is another. Whatever seems to fit you, repeat it as you breathe in and out for as long as you need. 

            In summary, you are not alone in your sadness, God has felt the pain of divorce. There is no shame in your sadness. Find words for your sadness and share them with God, and, when the right person presents themselves, ask them to listen to your sadness.  Ask them to reserve their help and just be present with you.

            Next, we tackle bargaining.